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You tell yourself their marriage is already over anyway, or that it’s not your responsibility, but his, since he is the one cheating and you are not cheating on anyone.However, deep down you know you have made a choice to participate in something that can result in devastation for any number of people.

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If you are a single woman that has been seeing a married man for some time and reading this, chances are that you have already gone through the initial stages of infatuation and blinding bliss.

In these initial stages you are not wanting to think too deeply about the realities you are creating in your life by pursuing this relationship.

However, most of the following also applies to men who find themselves in this position.) Rona Subotnik illuminates a list of paradoxical realities that you may find yourself living with as the other woman.

Here is my version of her findings: Treasured, but used Being in love gives you the feeling that you are precious and treasured by him, but you cannot help but wonder…if it wasn’t for the sex, would he still want to be with me?

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You know you are participating in something that is potentially damaging to many people and that there could be repercussions for yourself.

You maintain the sense of safety by trying not to think about these realities.

Friends and family sense you are closed off in some way, and can become confused and discouraged about your relationship with them.

You can feel this, yet are afraid it would cause more damage to their feelings about you if they knew.

Safe, yet in danger Being in love creates a sense of safety, yet the foundation for this safety feels, at it’s core, shaky.

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